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Thursday, September 28, 2006

9:37PM - To love another, it to love thyself.

I posted this in my blog in myspace also. Just thought to rant.

The concept of love seems forever lasting, eternal, just, passionate, and beautiful. Is there really truth behind the word? Loving another person can be an escapism to forget who you are, and what you love about yourself. Love can be selfish, human beings tend to attach themselves to ONE person, loving their attributes, their personality, their ideas, their life, and culture. Love is obsessive. Is there true love? No, I don't believe in true love. Love takes time, love takes effort, love is when you accept your own individuality. Love is when you share your inner-most personal words with someone else. For love to be true, each person needs to know who they are. People fall away from who they thought they loved, because they lacked spiritual connections with themselves; causing distance of two souls being one. Love comes in all forms, lights, and colors. We love because we are empty, and lonely. Love is selfish, because WE NEED IT. Without love, we lose ourselves, and become shut off to humanity. Finding your true love is nothing but stupidity, for true love to be true, love will not fail. Love fails everyday. Is it true love when you are married 10 years, and you find your eye lusting over another? Is it true love when you cease sexual relations, passionate union with your significant other over a period of time? Is it true love when you stay with your significant other after countless times of knowing he/she cheated? Is it true love, when YOU are lying to your significant other about where you are going, or cheating yourself? No, that is not true love. It is all a facade. True love is a myth in itself. A mere fantasy for the lonely ones who do not understand who they are, and want someone to find out who they are. For the people who are contradicting their morality, beliefs, and standards, do yourself a favor, and love yourself. Love is not here to hurt other beings. Love is here for truth. To know someone loves you will be evident in the future to come. Love is a union, two people, not one. Therefore, love is yourself.

Current mood: cold
stab me

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

11:16PM - "Cogito, ergo sum" (I think, therefore I am").

It's been a long while since I have wrote in here! I decided to update a little bit to let everyone know about my life as of now; if anyone still cares. I am currently attending PCC, taking 4 classes, and working at a book store. Life as of late has been very stressful. I am trying to make time for everything, and it is hard for me to do. I am also engaged, and I am very happy about it. Victor (my fiance) and I are very much in love. I never thought I would meet someone who could understand me. I feel happy that we are saving, and planning for the wedding.
In other news, I am still living at home, and paying bills. My major is journalism, and I am not planning to do broadcasting. I want to write for sub-pop culture, music magazines. I love writing, and I like to share different views. I have been going to concerts a lot this year. I have seen Nine Inch Nails twice, I saw Tool, Primus, Electric Six, Tom Petty And The Heart Breakers, and Judas Priest! I love music, and I feel that it is theraputic to my soul. I have a lot of goals on my plate right now. I am starting small so I can achieve my main goal: MOVING OUT.
I am really excited about finishing school. I am determined to transfer, and finish up my requirements so I can do something. I am also starting to go into therapy, I have been getting too wrapped up emotionally, and that has been causing me to feel unhealthy. I need someone to confide it, what is better than a stranger? ;) Anyway, I do write poetry/rants now and then, but haven't had the time to even look within myself to pull out emotion. I need to start writing more for myself, rather than for others. I am tired, and I have to read for class, so I am going. Whoever still reads this, and knows how to set up cool lay outs for LJ, hook me up!!!! I need some reconstruction on this thing!

Current mood: distressed
2 wound | stab me

Saturday, January 7, 2006

12:45PM - a poem

skeletal life

I don't want to see the outside, I just want to stay in shit forever. I don't want to see the faces of crooked lies, I just want to stay inside. Body burning, stuck in this furnice of never ending problems, a sea of a broken mind, a tragedy that never healed, a tear that never fell, I want to be pure, I want to be clean, I want to be a person. Tired eyes, dry skin, a bad smile, I strive for exisiting for you. Oh stop barrying me, hiding me under your soul, breaking me for everything I have. Taken for granted, raped of living, I begin to realize who I really am. There is no happiness here, screams of deep within, no one can hear me, no one can see me, I walk in bones that are broken, I walk in bones that are bruised, I try to find a reason, a reason to keep on fucking living.

Current mood: anxious
stab me

Friday, January 6, 2006

11:00AM - It's been quite some time...

Update for fucking SARA!!!!

I haven't posted anything because I guess "MYSPACE" took up enough time. I wonder if people still go on this thing anymore. I know Leslie does.. hahaha... Anyway, I am in school now. I am going to PCC, with the rest of Pasadena High School. Life has really changed for me, and I think in positive ways. I am with Victor still. He has changed. He doesn't use anymore, and he is working and going to school. I am in a happier state. This man treats me like a queen. I have never had a guy ever treat me so well in my life. Of course, I need some worry there, because I am scared of why this is happening to me. Why does he treat me so damn well? I will never know. I love him though. At times I feel confused, and I want to just hide from everyone. I don't know why. One day maybe I will know who I am. Right now, I don't know who I am.
I am going to take a winter course. Children pyschology. It would be pretty cool. I got the book, that shit was expensive. Victor paid for the book, because I didn't have any cash. I was so greatful for that. Also, I quit the Manor job, I work at Vroman's now. It is awesome. Robyn is my manager. It's weird that a close friend of yours is your manager... She is pretty cool though, so I don't mind. My hours are flexible with my school, and I appreciate that. What else? I still write sometimes, if you guys wanna check out my blogs of poetry go to myspace, and my name is Violetskies613. I have some shit on there.
Oh, and just in case other's don't know, Natalie and I are no longer friends. I have NO CLUE what the fucking happened. She just stopped talking to me. I was sad about it. This was a friend of 5-6 yrs. Oh well, honestly things are better now. No drama, no bitching, it is calm. Maybe it was something that had to be done. Hostel comes out tonight. I am totally seeing that movie!! I can't wait. It should kick ass! By the way, USC lost, I was so mad!!!! LONGHORNS... ERRR.. Anyway, leave me comments, because I don't know who even reads this anymore. I will try posting more.


Current mood: amused
1 wound | stab me

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

1:30AM - awesome

You are Schroeder!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

4 wound | stab me

Thursday, March 25, 2004

10:44PM - So true..

Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.

Image is a painting by Natalya Nesterova,

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

stab me

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

10:52PM - Sad tunes play....

I had a whatever, slow, day. Nothing new, the only thing new is, my life is becoming smaller each day I am living. I realize people in my life never really leave, they always appear back, in a bad way, or sometimes in a good way. I have been complaining a lot lately, and it is really annoying. I've become some what idle to people, and shut off from certain ones that think know me. I haven't spread my whole self upon them, due to me being afraid of their reactions. I can't find my truth, and I lost my purity, so what do I have to hold onto? I feel like someone lost, well, lost within themselves. I can be so selfish at times, and that leaves me to feel nothing.
Today at work, Kellen, a worker was explaining how he felt. I hardly do know this person, but I felt his pain, I really did. I looked at him, as he spoke about how he feels about life, and I felt his struggles, and his pain. I left feeling angst, and pain, I wanted to burst, but I couldn't. Why did I feel so bad for some guy that I don't even KNOW.. I mean, maybe it is because I can relate... but then again, can't anyone? It was really slow at work, I caught myself staring onto the streets as I took a cigarette break, I looked around, in complete silence in my head, hearing the cars go by, people speaking, sounds of children laughing and crying, foot steps, horns, breathing, and the first thing that came into my mind was, "What did I do to deserve such confusion, and pain?" "What does this world really fucking mean?" "Why do I analyze this, why can't I just take life the way it is, and quit being such a drama queen?"
I have my moments of being happy, a happy little cloud, but its funny how soon it turns to gray and it starts to rain upon me. I lash out on myself, and I hate that. Truth is, I can't find my truth, and I can't give that up. I've lost a lot, I've lost myself, and now I can't even begin to start that over. It is like I let myself stay out too long, and now I am spoiled, I had to throw myself away, better yet I had to let everyone throw me away, so they can live a healthier life, without my chaotic thoughts, and my bullshit of asking why all the time. I had a spiritual talk with myself, and I broke down, asking why I don't understand things, and what is going to happen, it was a release, but it didn't help that much. My light is off, and I am the unloved, eternally.


Current mood: confused
2 wound | stab me

1:58AM - Friends Only

9 wound | stab me